Statement 2: The rule is that the further down the screen you go, the older the fic tends to be. Consequently, the fic that I think of as being passably decent tends to be closer to the top.
Statement 3: There's also a lot of male/male content. It may be a debunked myth that Churchill ever said that the Royal Navy was built on sodomy, rum, and the lash, but my version of the whole goddamn world is certainly based on those three things for, um, slightly different results. Even the stuff about the Jedi. And wizards. And, um, ninjas!Statement 4: Crackfic indicates massive alternate universe craziness. You are warned.
Statement 5: Those who are minded can leave me comment on the story or send me an e-mail.
Horatio Hornblower (It's Sunday, sir; bookverse with touches of the movies insofar as Paul McGann's hotness dictates)
Fairy Tale: The Sea-Loving Heart. "Ah, little dark eyes," the sea witch said.
Untitled. Bush/Jack Hammond. NC-17, and yes, it's untitled. PWP.
Untitled. Hornblower after Le Havre.
The Kind Heart. R, het. Your children are dead, and your husband is gone.
These Being the Averaged Thoughts. G, congenitally silly. Do charts even count as fic?
Seeing That Far. PG. Bush did smell like perfume.
Fairy Tale: The Paper Officer. All things must come to an end.
Near Land. NC-17. Once upon a time, there was a captain who loved his lieutenant.
The Ghost of Hercules. PG. Post-Lord Hornblower. Weird with a side of weird sauce. It was the future, not the past, that haunted Hornblower.
Full Watch. PG. The three dirtiest words in Hornblower fandom are "Live Kennedy Universe." And that's what this is. Bookverse LKU, set after Atropos, but before the opening of Beat to Quarters.
The Lotus Eaters. PG, HH/WB. HMS Pineapple, the soppy Loire Loveboat Edition. He would have been vaguely horrified at the idea of eating flowers.
There Could Be. NC-17. HH/WB smut. Pretend that the period definition of sodomy includes fingers. *waves
The Seafaring Dream. PG. Harry Potter, Horatio Hornblower, and a whole lot of HH/WB lovin'. Crackfic
Five Things that Never Happened to William Bush: Peace. HH/WB, HH/Barbara Wellesley. PG. Bush came to Smallbridge to die
If Water Was Dry. HH/WB. Tonedeaf celebrating.
All Things. NC-17. HH/WB smut. A table took more space than the bed. Crackfic
See. NC-17. HH/WB/AK smut, warnings for not fitting into the movie timeline, giggly reference to Paul McGann movie sex scene(s), and sexual practices that might not be completely hygienic. Written for phantomsangel. Even his hands had lost much of their delicacy.
Fairy Tale: Cinderella, Version 1 and 2. PG. Once upon a time, there was a boy who played in pig-troughs.
Men and Boys. NC-17. HH/WB/AK. The daydream that plagued Kennedy had to do with being ashore
Fairy Tale: Other Books: G. Another Endless - Hornblower crossover.
Semper. NC-17. HH/WB, HH/Barbara. Instead, you were seventeen, an orphan with nothing but three semesters worth of accelerated community college credits. Crackfic
Three Things. NC-17. Bush/Hammond, movieverse. You wake. You dress, stiff-fingered in the cold,
Fairy Tale: A Ship of the Line and A Very Happy Life. PG. Death is already in the Hornblower universe, all right?
The Worst Time. HH/WB. NC-17. It was the worst of times, and it was the worst of times.
That Had Been Kingston. HH/WB. NC-17. So he had drawn back, and a little after that --
Gentlemanly Persuasion. HH/WB. NC-17. Hornblower was good at it. Crackfic
Fairy Tale: The Mirror and the Pendant. PG. HH/WB. Once upon a time, there was a very bad hobgoblin.
Five Things that Never Happened to William Bush: Horatia. NC-17 het sex. In which Hornblower is a chick. No, really. Crackfic
The Very Little While. NC-17. HH/WB. There was no regularity it, but it had always been there.
Fairy Tale: Horrylocks and the Three Bears. PG. Once upon a time, there was a boy named Horrylocks.
Five Things that Never Happened to William Bush: Marriage. PG-13 het sex. There was not much of a courtship.
The Small Fortune. PG. HH/WB. Nevertheless, Hornblower.
Five Things that Never Happened to William Bush: Jedi. PG. Sixteen days out of the Azores, they picked up a pair of shipwreck survivors. Crackfic
Steady. PG-13. HH/WB. Bush had been so long at sea that he thought rotten eggs smelled like gundeck smoke.
Fairy Tale: The Steady Plan. NC-17. HH/WB after a fashion. Bush had a steady plan for shore leave when alone. Crackfic
Chest and Torso. PG-13. Five post-Caudebec snippets. Third-hand even when it first came into Bush's possession.Made for Man. NC-17 for general perversity and het sex. Kingston, prettiest city in the Indies.
Come to Honor. PG-13. Gen. Kennedy closed his eyes, and it was quiet in the infirmary.
Fairy Tale: De Amicita. G, gen. "How are your eggs?" he inquired .
Fairy Tale: The Happiness of War. PG, gen. Once upon a time, there was a boy who had four sisters.
Fairy Tale: Not a King. PG, gen. Once upon a time, there was a man who had three sons.
Ten Stories About A Picture. PG-13. HH/WB. Ten as-AU-as-you-want-them-to-be snippets about a certain picture.
A Place of Safety: NC-17. HH/WB. You were quite sure that you could not, in fact, learn.
Two Things that Didn't Happen and One that Did: PG-13. Gen. Your history books are full of lies.
Undertow. R, HH/WB. The first time did not, in fact, happen in Kingston.
Star Wars (I have a very bad feeling, Master; The Phantom Menace and all other things by incorporation)
The Usual Argument. PG-13. Anakin/Obi-Wan. Written from prompt by Imadra Blue.
These Comforts. G. A story about the Jedi as they were.
The Fear of Death. PG. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Written as a result of talking with Babel.Burial. PG. Super-short and super-stupid. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.Story and Life. PG-13. Non-explicit Q/O, A/O. When you are young, your parents decide to give you to the Jedi. Obi-Wan version of Life and Story.
The Bone's Truth. PG. Star Wars docfic. Ephemera that travels the universe.
Loneliness. PG-13. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan lived surprisingly separate lives.
Life and Story. PG. Q/O from Q's perspective. Here is a story: when you are young, the Jedi find you.
Jedi. PG. Non-Jude Watson baby Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. "The representatives of the Trade Federation expect an update. Talk to them, Obi-Wan."
Horizon. R. The fic in which Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan finally get it awn. Well. Sort of.
8th and Naboo. PG. Gen. Here is a story about Old Republic City. Crackfic
Had Become. PG. Gen. When Anakin was young, he asked for stories.(now permanently borked because LJ deleted the images, and uh, I don't remember what they were. It's probably better that way, to be honest.)
The Southern Continent. PG. Gen. Before the assignment, Qui-Gon had only been vaguely aware that he had a brother. Crackfic (Pictures irrevocably borked, unfortunately, when LJ deleted all my paid-account pictures.)
Lack of Desire. NC-17, A/O, Q/O. There are few formal rules governing the relationships between Masters and Padawans. Crackfic
Easier than Dying. PG. Gen. He was, when grown, the most peculiar blend of arrogance and humility.
Never Thirst Again. NC-17. Q/O. There might, of course, be the issue of consent.
The Thing You Had Best Forget. PG. Anakin. It was whole, complete, from the slope of the forehead down to the shape of the chin.
In Fact. PG. Anakin. It did not take very long for Obi-Wan to accept his new Padawan in his personal capacity.
Tell Me You're. NC-17. A/O. It had been before Padme, before Anakin lost his hand to Dooku.
Round and Round. R. Q/O, A/O. Obi-Wan found the oddest things attractive about his Master.
The Lives of Pirates. PG. Gen. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan go on vacation.
Together, the Three of Us. NC-17. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Xanatos in all possible mathematic combinations. Almost.. Crackfic
Small Things. PG. Qui-Gon, Dooku. They were at the bottom of hill country, and it was raining.
As We Are. G. Anakin. Anakin's habit of constantly stating strong preferences.
The Most Heterosexual Person. PG-13. Q/O, Tholme and Quinlan. Another reason was that Quinlan had absolutely no fear of anything.
Cover it Up. G. Anakin. He was, after all, used to accumulating personal possessions..
Attachment. R. Q/O. He felt as though he had the wind knocked out of him.A Noble Expression. G. It was fairly amazing that they were even wrapped up at all. These kinds of dreams. PG. Gen. Now, they are on Kir'Jath, and they are after Telos. Crackfic
Eighteen Years on Tatooine. PG. Gen. The answers to all of these issues were, respectively:
20 Things that Obi-Wan Kenobi Had Not Known About Qui-Gon Jinn. PG. Yarrael was Quermian.
Swim. G. Gen. Masters, padawans, the fear of water.
Harry Potter (see what I have become, mere shadow and vapor; Tom Riddle and some random bitches)
Shape and Form. PG-13. Remus/Tonks. There is no reason why Hogwarts must teach a derivation of Latin.
Years. PG-13. Tom/Percy. Twenty five years after Deathly Hallows.
The Alteration of Ghosts. Seventh year was not the end of Hogwarts for Lily.
Arcane Arts and Dark Secrets. Minerva. She watched as scales grew over the back legs.
Ever Afterwards. Remusfic. AUness of the fic becomes clear at one point or the other.
Bred. PG. James/Sirius. James had been talking, on and off, through the whole evening.
Train. PG-13. Tom Riddle. The train to training.
Courage Potion. PG-13. Viktor Krum. The war is over and there is time to care about Quidditch again.
Blood Destiny. PG-13. Tom Riddle, Minerva McGonagall. Tom Riddle was right
Birds and Boys. R. The Weasley Twins. There is surprisingly little magic associated with twins.
Silver. PG-13. Sirius/Remus. He's always a werewolf.
I particularly hate my HP output, and boy, there is a lot of it to hate (and so many reasons to hate it.) The whole thing should just be labeled SHITTY SHITTY CRACKFIC-- but if, for some reason, you'd like to see the HP stuff older than what's listed above, follow this down the crazy rabbit hole.
Iron Man (Tony Stark has Exquisite Manpain in his proto-soul)
All My Killers in the Street. PG-13. The universe that isn't. After the wedding, Tony still doesn't trust her.
Five Universes. PG. Tony Stark across multiple universes.
Untitled. R. Howard Stark, Tony Stark. Warnings for creepiness.
Living Forever. PG. Howard Stark and creation myths. The first time you take a shot at living forever, it takes the form of a skinny blond kid from Brooklyn.
Genius. PG. Tony Stark isn't the only genius on the ground.
Morning. Hard R. PWP. MIT-age Tony, Obadiah, and an expensive callgirl.
Your Fixed Point, part 1, part 2. R. Genderflip AU. Identity and gender and Obadiah Stane and Pepper Potts and Jim Rhodes and Tony Stark. Just to clarify: there are two women in the Funvee.
Accountable. R for language. AU, gen. Tony and Rhodey and what happened in a universe very close to the movie.
Good and Gone. Hard R. Crackfic. Pepper/Obadiah. Virginia, before getting serious about life. Pepper can keep track of money and schedules, numbers even when she doesn't remember names. Or faces.
The Good Stuff. Hard R and warnings for disturbing content. If you're squeamish, bail. It's pretty much going exactly where you think it's going. She makes a noise in her throat and tries to sit up, but can't quite manage it.
Grace. PG-13. Clones meet Dubai shutdown. You figure out the point at which it goes AU. "Do I get to decide?"
At the end. NC-17, kink with collars and other things. Tony/Obadiah PWP. When Tony opens his eyes again, they look entirely different.
And then he'll set you free. NC-17. One Thursday, he isn't there.
A Man of the World. R for general wrong. Obadiah Stane raises Tony Stark. Anthony Edward Stark doesn't go to MIT until he turns eighteen.
Never Regret It. R. Tony/Jim Rhodes. R for bad language and Tony being a dirty-minded fou -- fifteen year old. Five months into being friends, Tony decides that he and Rhodey should be friends with benefits. Things That Didn't Happen director's cut, rated NC-17.
The Hardest Part of Your Job. R. Tony/Pepper. Obadiah. Pepper's loyalty in a slightly different context.
Ambition and History. PG. Christine Everhart and the Noble and Most Ancient House of Stark.
Benefit Limitation Agreement. PG. Tony/Pepper. WHEREAS Virginia Elizabeth Potts is of the belief and opinion that "this thing we have now" requires clarification and limitation;
Five Times Obadiah Stane Cloned Tony Stark. Written with jamaillith. And exactly what it says on the tin.01. The Prototype. PG.
02. The Golden Goose. PG-13.
03. The Ghosts in the Machine. R.
04. The Patient Man. PG.
05. The Happy Ending. R.
Anything and Everything. NC-17 for general effedry. Written with jamaillith. If the first section squicks you, bail. Obadiah Stane has his own version of Pepper Potts. For a moment, he lies there, staring into the darkness, and considers not going. Considers going back to sleep.
What It Would Be. NC-17. Tony/Pepper/Obadiah PWP. "Have a good night, Pepper," Obadiah says.
Mark this, Reynaldo. PG. Here is how Tony Stark and Jim Rhodes meet.
June 6, 2008. PG. You guys liked that, didn't you?. Tony Stark gives that MIT commencement speech. A Hivemind production with superior versions here and here.
Celebration. PG. Crossover. Three billionaires, James Bond, and a hyper-efficient personal assistant walk into a room. Who walks out?
Fifty Lifetimes. PG-13. Tony Stark goes on the run.
Pretty Good Company. NC-17. Tony/Obadiah FST with accompanying fic.
Windows. R. Obadiah/Tony. It isn't all men during this period, and it's not entirely a habit that Tony gives up afterwards.. Yeah, you knew I was going to write this sooner or later, what with my dithering about Tony going to Europe post-December 1991. Expansion Kit Add-On. NC-17.
A Genius of Engineering. NC-17. Obadiah/Tony. Keep on scrolling, people. Witness the beginning of my Iron Man shame.
Five Times Pepper Could Have Figured It Out. R. I think. Obadiah/Tony. "Pepper, give us a minute, will you?"
Fourth of July. G. Tony. Gen. What could be more patriotic?
To Be Done After That. G. Tony. Gen. Billionaires own million-dollar pieces of real estate.
Your Gentle Help. NC-17. Obadiah/Tony. Tony turns eighteen, and Howard misses it because he's down in DC, pitching woo to a Senator on the Defense subcommittee.
Never Told Me. NC-17. Obadiah/Tony. Where Tony finds women who go drinking with a strapon in their clutch purse is beyond her, but Tony seems to get what he wants out of it.. Leave yo' Pepper characterization behind before clicking on that link.
For A Long Time and Hearing. R. Pepper/Tony. Fic-length expansions of a particular Thing from 8 Things That Could Happen After Pepper and Tony Have Sex. Each is standalone, but Hearing can be read as a sequel to For A Long Time.
8 Things That Could Happen After Pepper and Tony Have Sex With Each Other. R. Pepper/Tony. No, it's not because sex with Tony Stark was so unimaginably exciting that she expired.
Miscellaneous (the grab bag of odds, ends, and tripe)
Excidium. Temeraire. PG. The shell is dark and warm, and when you come into the world, you find that it is distressingly lacking in both.
Untitled Star Trek Reboot Fic 01, 2. PG. Spock/Uhura.
Young. Star Trek Reboot. Spock and his mother. Earth is not particularly strange for Spock.
Person. James Bond Reboot, Quantum of Solace. Two things that happened, and one that didn't.
Kind Men. Rome. NC-17. Agrippa/Octavian. "Do you want her? I can get someone else."
Untitled. West Wing. Toby. Post-season 4.
Nothing Human. Rome. NC-17. Octavian/Antony. When they are alone, Brutus kisses Antony.
Enough. Torchwood. PG-13. Beginnings and endings. Through Remains of the Day.
Thirteen Bad Habits. Torchwood. Ianto. Yes, he has parents.
For A Long Time. Supernatural. You don't go to Stanford unless somebody wants it.
Disguise. Naruto. He had simply flattened his chakra.
Absence. Supernatural. PG, gen. "You don't like hunting?"
The Shape of an Animal. Star Trek: Deep Space 9. PG-13. Here is why your relationship with Garak is complicated.
The Story That Has Already Happened. Star Trek: Deep Space 9. PG-13, Dukat/Damar. Written for babel. When you were almost an adult, your father was executed as a traitor.
Roadkill. Supernatural. PG-13, gen. Dean hit three whitetail deer.The Odd Season. James Herriot. PG-13. Herriot/Tristan. What Tristan learned stayed learned.
Anti-Drug. Igby Goes Down. R. Ollie has completed the degree requirements for fascism at Columbia.
Apples. Imperius. That was your sign that the party had started.
Heat. Boondock Saints. Murphy/Connor. Heat was still leaking out from under the cap of the radiator.
Neighbors. Naruto. Sasuke was a pretty crappy neighbor.
Grief is a Beast. Naruto. R. Gaara/Neji/Naruto because two_if_by_sea asked, OK? It almost feels like sand.Crackfic
Sharignan. Naruto. R. Kakashi and Sasuke. When the Sharingnan turns on, your eyes go red.
Orphans. Naruto. R. Sasuke. There was also the way his eyes ached.
Bones. Firefly. PG. The ancient Chinese art of face-reading.
Brothers in Italy. Imperius, the Flints. PG. The idea was that Nathan would be safe there.Benwick Hall. Mobiliavis, Pansy Parkinson. The house-elves were meek.
Fanvids (Because even I get tired of my logorrhea)
I'm Afraid of Americans. Iron Man. Obadiah Stane, Tony Stark, and Trent Reznor re-interpreting David Bowie.
God's Gonna Cut You Down. Iron Man. Iron Man on a Johnny Cash mission. Rick Rubin produces.
Stronger (Better, Faster, Harder). Iron Man. Tony Stark set to Kanye West and Daft Punk. The movie, but with more robot talking.
Freedom Hangs Like Heaven. Iron Man. Iron Man set to Iron and Wine. Tony Stark has manpain, OK?
Some Say I'm Not. Rome. Octavian's ambitions and Antony's downfall set to Mason Jennings.
Break the Ice. Rome. Male Julii ambition set to Ms. Britney Spears. With apologies to said Ms. Britney Spears.